He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
