1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
