At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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