You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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