I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
