I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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