i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize