Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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