you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
