my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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