all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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