youre lurking in front of me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
