Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nutella sex= disaster
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
