How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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