I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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