i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
