You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
