I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
