Sry I called you an 8
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
