no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize