i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
