So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
