oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
