I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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