I've blown a few things in my day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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