Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
