eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize