This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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