I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
