It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
