WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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