mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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