Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
