Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
