i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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