i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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