Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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