If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
