I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
