Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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