I wish I only lived at night.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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