yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
