she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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