Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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