i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
