I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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