maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
