Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
