Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
