i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sarcasm needs its own font
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Enjoy the penises
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
