Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
