His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
