and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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