I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
