this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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