Sry I called you an 8
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
