My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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