you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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