In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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