Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
