I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
