never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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