Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
