I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
