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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck

  (734): View more from Michigan

  omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore

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• (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

  Fav 7 3482 1370

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  But happy liver failure. That's what counts.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me

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• (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.

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