dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
