You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
