Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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