are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
