I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
