Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
