put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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