singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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