he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
