Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
